


Heart on Fire

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: M/M, Scribble, Songfic, definitely not my best, shizzle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: I don't wanna die when you don't care at all.Do you care at all?





	Heart on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Another songfic to the amazing "Heart on Fire" by A Life Divided.
> 
> I expected something better lol
> 
> Left Sided - Marko (the beginning)  
> Right Sided - Markus (around the middle)

_I don't wanna talk_

_when you don't hear me_

 

It's almost like talking to a plain brick wall every time I try to start a conversation with you. I know you aren't much of a talkative person but I am your partner, your **boyfriend**. Will I ever hear other answers than "Yes", "No" and "I don't know" from you? It's not fun that way, it has never been and it won't be in the future. You simply ignore me.

 

_I don't wanna love_

_if you can't feel it_

 

Love? Haven't heard that word in a while. Our kisses are nothing more than the occasional "we are a couple, we need to do this" gesture. I look at you and see the man I decided to spend the rest of my life with, ignoring the obvious shit that's going on. What do you see? I gaze into your eyes and see nothing but fog, ignorant fog. I remember the deep red fire in your eyes on the day we came together. How many tears did you shatter to put out the brightest wildfire stashed together in a single pair of eyes …

 

_and I don't wanna smile_

_when you are laughing about me_

 

However, if there are actually moments you decide to talk to me it is never something good. You laugh about my mistakes, you laugh about my hobbies, you make fun of my family, insult my friends! You pull my hopes and dreams through the dirty, destroy everything that's left of me … With a single laughter. It's not funny, it is everything but funny.

 

_and I don't wanna die,_

_when you don't care at all._

_do you care at all?_

 

Would you even waste a single thought if I just left? I am nothing more but a doll to you. A forgotten doll, left to die in the back of the dustiest closet you own. Is that what you wanted the whole time? A meaningless relationship? Do you even care about what I say, what I do, how I feel and what you are doing to my fragile mind and soul?

 

_I set your heart on fire_

_I'll do what I can_

_to be more than I am for you_

_tonight_

 

It seems like I lost it, lost every last part of me that still had hope into you and our relationship. Still, there was that little voice inside my head, screaming "A last chance! He is worth it!".  
I don't believe it, to be honest. How can you love something which destroys you further with every single second passing faster and faster?  
One. The only and last chance – And maybe you aren't such a monster after all.  
The truth is that I still love you, beyond everything I feel.  
I don't want to leave you, not after all this time we spent together.

 

 

_I don't wanna call_

_when you're not listening_

 

Would I ever understand your thoughts, your world, your dreams … you try to pull me in without listening to my own words. You see me with a colorful mind but everything that's inside of me are the fading colors of the rainbow, mixed with the black of my own soul. You would understand if you listen at least once.  
When was the last time I could speak about my problems in front of you, where are the times you put on the mask of a pseudo-psychotherapist and actually understood the things which left my lips? We don't talk much nowadays anyway – maybe it is better that way.

 

_I don't wanna crawl_

_If you're not watching_

 

All the shit I ever did, you simply ignore and forget it. I help you, I stay by your side if you break down, I endure everything you say to me, all the insults and curses your mouth creates in your worst moments. I never complained.  
I go through hell just that you can live in heaven, just to keep you safe. All these years we have behind us, never did something happen to you. And do you know why? Because I looked after you.  
Never did I hear a single "Thank you", never a respecting shoulder pat or a simple nod.  
Do you realize what happens when I don't have the strength to support you anymore?  
You fall apart.

 

_And I don't wanna fly_

_when you ain't coming with me_

 

Every time I try to bring out relationship back on track you just block it. I have the feeling you don't even have interest in me anymore. I do love you, by all my heart and I would prefer nobody over you. You make me feel so unwanted, so hated and just like a piece of dog shit stuck to your shoe.  
I am not even sure if I can still trust you, as much as I did once.  
Why can't we escape into the world we lived in once, do you remember the feeling when we kissed and hugged for the first time?  
Nothing more but a greyish memory left.

 

_and I don't wanna die_

_when you don't care at all_

_do you care at all?_

 

Am I already this much dead to you that you wouldn't care about waking up in a house all for your own? Are you in such a strong belief that this is it? Why don't you end the struggle? You are afraid of it, you don't want to be alone, you **need** me. I am the air that keeps you alive, the blood that keeps you going, the support everyone needs in their lives.  
What if I change it, from one to the next day, gone. How long would you survive?

 

_I set your heart on fire_

_I'll do what I can_

_to be more than I am for you_

_tonight_

 

Give me one last chance to prove myself and I promise to give you even more than I already did. I dedicate my life to you, I dedicate my death to you. I don't care about how much you hate me, I just want you to know I am not what you think of me.  
Believe me.  
Trust me.  
I know it's hard but we are still lovers, we need to hold each other.  
I don't ask for more than one last night.

 

 

_For some reasons it's not how it's supposed to be_

_feels like searching for the way in a one way street_

_God given but a devils mistake_

I can't take this longer.

It's over, Markus.

 

This could've ended so much easier.

Don't leave me, Marko.

 

_I'll be your slave if you just let me stay_

 


End file.
